


MONO-Drama

by alma3lm3r



Category: SHINee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 12:05:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20275639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alma3lm3r/pseuds/alma3lm3r
Summary: He can’t explain the suffocating feeling that something is waiting on the other side of the house for him. There was no note left on his doorstep, no message sent at 3 am, just his own tired mind and a door left unlocked he couldn't remember unlocking for the life of him. And a gate left open, creaking in the wind.





	MONO-Drama

**Author's Note:**

> this is weird i apologize

The building anxiety cut him like a knife. He could sit and wait longer, or get up and walk around the corner, but what difference would it really make. If there is someone waiting for him, they’ll come out eventually. He would sit there all night if it meant seeing his face again, his hands, the back of his head, anything. Jonghyun doesn’t know how he always goes wrong with these things. They sit in his chest and eat him alive, months after it happened in the first place. So how can he bring himself to face him now? The creaking of the open gate mocks him.  
He doesn’t hear anything. Not a voice, not a soft sigh hitting the air, not the rustle of some clothes or boots crunching on grass. Nothing. He resolves himself to finishing his cigarette and getting up and closing the gate at least. He knows he doesn’t have it in himself to peek around the corner, watch the moonlight play in his hair.  
He can’t explain the suffocating feeling that something is waiting on the other side of the house for him. There was no note left on his doorstep, no message sent at 3 am, just his own tired mind and a door left unlocked he couldn't remember unlocking for the life of him. And a gate left open, creaking in the wind.  
Maybe if he’d held on just a little bit longer, things would’ve been okay. But Taemin’s thoughts never work quite like that, as much as Jonghyun can tell. Taemin doesn’t work quite like that. He had to catch him in a moment. He never tried to hold on too long because Taemin moves too fast. He regrets that now, but maybe it was for the best. He changed meeting Taemin but every time he sees him he remains the same. And maybe that's just how things are meant to work.  
Jonghyun swallows a cough and begs himself to remain quieter than air. Quieter than the noise the backdoor made when he let himself out, but he’s wiped that from his mind by now. As much as he’d like to see him, he can’t bring himself to make a sound. He can’t make himself known, or else a dagger through his ear, a creeping sense of being known in a world meant to stay anonymous. Past midnight, when he can see the moon from his backyard.  
The first time he met Taemin he was still in his work uniform. Dingy red shirt covered in stains and his hair pressed to his forehead by a hat with a corporation’s name embroidered into it. He told him he looked pretty and Taemin said thank you and smiled. Then he left. And two months later Jonghyun was lying on the floor of his bathroom. Covered in dirt and sending Taemin messages in the lint floating in the air, whistling a song about the sound of his breath.  
Jonghyun hears something from around the corner of the house and sits up straighter. A cat walks through the open gate seconds later and he feels himself breathe out heavily. What told him Taemin would be out waiting for him this late anyways? Some biased intuition and hope crawling in through his fingertips. He pulls on his cigarette and breathes out as quietly as possible, determined not to disturb the scene around him as the cat wanders off.  
Sometimes he wonders if things would be different, if he hadn’t been so careful. If he hadn’t held his breath so as not to disturb the way his hair fell, if he hadn’t held his hand like he was scared he’d break it. Most of the time Jonghyun just watches, and taking a step out of what he perceives as his own place feels like breaking a bone. The weight of his actions weighs heavier on him than he’d care to admit, no matter what the result of those actions may be. With Taemin, he took a chance, and stepped out of his comfort zone more than once. But maybe it just wasn’t enough. Or maybe it was too much, and he just can’t see the effects. Maybe he left a mark too deep to go back from, and he just misunderstood everything he saw. Someone he loves floating in a loophole, a purgatory of one too many torturous decisions. That for anyone else would be easy. But nothing is ever really easy.  
He looks down at his shaking hands and puts out his finished cigarette. He looks through the smoke and tries to see something in the dark beyond the creaking gate. He waits, and strains to hear. A rustle of clothes, a quiet voice, soft sigh, boots crunching over dead grass. But nothing. There’s nothing to hear.  
Jonghyun gets to his feet and slowly makes his way over to the gate. But before he closes it, he peers around the corner. And his eyes must be playing tricks on him, because he sees the moonlight falling on white blonde hair, and two familiar shaking hands. He walks out passed the gate and waits for Taemin to see him.  
Taemin looks up and smiles, soft and genuine, making Jonghyun’s heart soar.  
“Took you long enough.”


End file.
